There is an air of sadness:
We are on a lock down in Bangalore. This is a short two week one, which has followed an earlier partial lock down. For the last few days as I have gone about doing what I normally do on a Sunday, every day, I realised that a sense of sadness weighed heavily on me. I couldn’t figure out what the sadness was all about but this lock down was not like the one in 2020. At that time I was energetic and the days went by very fast. It is just not moving now – time, I mean.
At the start of the partial lock down, for the first time, my colleagues at office and site tested positive. People I had worked with for years were suddenly afflicted. I had myself tested and I tested negative. However, my mind felt tired and frustrated. I am a keen follower of politics and the last results made me happy. That should have pushed me on to a higher plane. It didn’t. The ones I do not care for are making a mess but why am i feeling worse?
Could it be that there were too many people I knew who are affected? Could it be that this time there seems to be less hope of a peaceful return to normality? Why do I feel so sad?
Is India my concern?
Many years ago when the country’s Finance Minister told the world that India did not need external help to manage the destruction of the Tsunami, I felt so proud. After years of being defensive in front of the people who never gave us a chance, we finally said enough, we can help ourselves.
Today, my young colleagues are stricken by the virus. I am praying they do not need to go to hospital because I will never forgive myself if I cannot get them a place. My drivers sister died – after running to ten hospitals. He never called to ask for my help, he possibly knew that in this case I was out of my depth. This is a first for me – I have never felt out of my depth.
Every day I read of help coming from all over the world to India. Even little Bhutan has helped. My young children and colleagues and students will have to spend years of their lives washing away the shame of the mess that we elders left for them by messing up this medical emergency.
Is that why I am sad?
I do not care who is at fault. I have had enough of seeing dead bodies all over, now in the sacred Ganges as well. I see greed, I see political one-upmanship, I see blame, excuses everything – except for one word – sorry. I have yet to hear of an apology. An apology to India and an apology to its citizens.
Is sorry such a hard word to say? Doesn’t a genuine sorry take away the anger and the frustration and everything negative? Will someone say I’m sorry about this. I’m reaching out my hand to you, my fellow Indians. Lets regroup and fight this virus together. We can do it.
It’s a combination of many of the above that have made me feel sad and possibly made others feel sad too. I haven’t written in a long while and so, I am sorry if this is a sad and pathetic piece. I am sorry for the many who have died, those who are the living dead and those who are ill and suffering. I am sorry for India – we have let you down badly. Forgive us. We are all at fault. We must try and get together and rebuild you. We must remove the sadness. We must..